To Know Him Is to Love Him
by MissEbony
Summary: Here is the beginning and ending of a relationship between a certain blue-haired ice-cream addict and a purple-haired wannabe samurai. [yaoi; KaixGaku] [UNEDITED]
1. Chapter 1: Acceptance

_[A/N]_ **I've been **_**dying**_** to write this. :D This story was inspired by an (old) **_**Antique Bakery**_** fic. Hope you guys enjoy!**

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[[ **1** ]]

[ _**ACCEPTANCE**_ ]

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"Please listen to me Gakupo-san!" Kaito pleaded. The lavender-haired male sighed and turned around to face the other man. "I don't want much in return. I can't do much for you. I don't think I'm very romantic and we can't do anything really physical like sex. But I just want you to be with me. Please Gakupo-san, please accept me." Gakupo sighed again.

"There is a way for two men to have sex Kaito." Kaito gulped. He had never felt so nervous in his life before. "I'll accept you I guess." Kaito's heart immediately soared. He had the strong urge to hug the other yet he shot down the impulse. He had to keep his composure. This was an important milestone in his life. "Come here." Kaito obeyed and walked closer to the man. "Kaito," he called out.

"Yes Gakupo-san?" Kaito answered. Gakupo shook his head.

"If we are going to start this relationship don't call me 'Gakupo-san.'" Kaito's eyes widened and he leaned back to see if the man was telling the truth. Gakupo was under his serious mask, as usual. Yet Kaito could see a small crack of emotion. Was it happiness? He sincerely hoped so.

"Okay Gakupo." Kaito said. His mind was completely at ease. He never felt so positive in his life before.

"Look at me." Kaito looked up at Gakupo again. He was smirking suddenly. "Kiss me." The blue-haired male felt a deep blush spill across his cheeks. He grabbed the front of Gakupo's shirt to pull him down slightly before he kissed him. At first the kiss was awkward. It was mushy, wet, and unmoving. But then after a moment Gakupo completely changed its direction. "Passion" was the only thing that ran through Kaito's mind. He held back from smiling. He was in pure bliss with Gakupo. He didn't want this feeling to ever end.

But after a few minutes Gakupo pulled away. Kaito felt embarrassed by the fact that he was the only one who was red in the face and panting heavily. He immediately let go of Gakupo and placed his feet completely on the floor. "That was nice." He quickly murmured.

"Was it up to your expectations?" Gakupo asked. Kaito quickly nodded. The taller one gave a small chuckle before he returned to walking down the hallway.

"W-Where are you going?" Kaito asked. Gakupo glanced at him from over his shoulder yet didn't stop walking.

"Why aren't you following me?" The blue-haired boy slowly trailed behind Gakupo. It took a moment for him to realize that they were heading towards Gakupo's room. Kaito had only been in the other's room a couple of times. All he remembered was that it was a moderately sized room with a too large bed. Kaito had always wondered why Gakupo selected the room at the end of the hallway but he never questioned the decision.

Gakupo opened the door and let Kaito in first before he closed and locked it. Kaito gulped again. What was going through that head of his?

Kaito heard Gakupo go into his bathroom. He looked around the room. The walls were halfheartedly painted an eggplant purple and were in desperate need of a fresh coat. In the corner of the room there was a pack of cigarettes and an ashtray. Everyone in the household had thought that Gakupo had quit his habit a few weeks ago. Kaito sighed. At least it explained why the end of the hall smelled of tobacco in the mornings.

Kaito nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt something poke into his back. "Calm down, you saw I locked the door." The bluett gave a small nod as he turned around to face his new significant other. Gakupo handed him a shirt and a pair of boxers. "You can put this on now if you want to." He said. He then walked over to his bed.

Kaito looked down at the clothes. They were much too big for him. He put them on anyway. The collar of the shirt hung over his shoulder and he felt the underwear nearly slip off of him. He then walked to the bed and sat next to Gakupo. The taller male was in the process of taking the bands out of his hair. Kaito admitted that he also laughed along with the girls of the house about how Gakupo would spend nearly hours perfecting his hair with clips and such. Yet Gakupo would always snap about how he needed them because his hair was an annoyance and he refused to cut it. Kaito also wondered why the man wouldn't cut his hair yet he never questioned that either.

The bluett watched in near awe as he watched Gakupo remove the many pins and bands and clips from his hair. The lavender hair fell mellifluously as they were released from their bonds. After Gakupo was finished he simply tossed the hair things on the floor. He then swept his hair behind his shoulders and took Kaito's arm. "Remember when you said that two men couldn't have sex?" Kaito nodded confusedly. Gakupo then leaned down to his ear. His breath tickled the other's skin. "Let me show you something. Can you lay down for me?" Kaito did so, still confused.

"Gakupo, what are y–" Gakupo then suddenly pulled up his shirt and pulled down the boxers. Kaito flushed and moved his hands to cover himself. Gakupo then moved them. Kaito began to tremble. He could not even figure out Gakupo's intentions. He only knew that he was scared.

Gakupo pointed a finger. "Now I would insert myself here." Kaito winced.

"Wouldn't that be painful?" He asked. Gakupo shrugged.

"It can be a very painful if you want it to be that way." He then returned the clothes to their original position. "But we can't do this tonight. I wasn't exactly anticipating for this to happen. So maybe in a few weeks we can." He moved behind Kaito and held him to his front side. Kaito had never "spooned" with anyone before and it felt nice. He felt loved in some odd way.

Gakupo kissed the back of his neck. Kaito knew he was being teased with yet his breath still hitched and he still murmured, "Gakupo," playfully. He felt the purplett sigh on his neck before he squeezed him tighter.

"Goodnight Kaito." He whispered. Kaito quickly turned around, gave Gakupo a soft peck on the lips, then smiled.

"Goodnight Gaku." Gakupo didn't seem angered by the cutesy name. He simply caressed the hair of his soon to be lover and lisened to his breath slow as slumber took him.


	2. Chapter 2: Tomorrow

[[ **2** ]]

[ _**TOMORROW**_ ]

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"There was no need for you to wash my clothes Kaito." Gakupo muttered. Yet Kaito could tell that he wasn't upset. If he knew any better he would say he was surprised. Kaito smiled and waved his hand.

"Oh it was nothing. Thank you for letting me borrow your clothes last night too." Gakupo nodded. Yet Kaito could tell that there was something slightly off about him. Yet Kaito chose not to question it. Instead he smiled at the tall man before he turned to walk out the room. Yet a clearing of the throat stopped him. Kaito raised an eyebrow as he looked at Gakupo.

"Thank you too." He said. Kaito was unsure if he was thanking him for something else. But Kaito said "you're welcome' nonetheless and then left.

* * *

"Hey, Kaito-senapi, I got a question for you." Yuuma said. Kaito sighed and put a strained smile on his face. In all honesty the boy (though he was taller than him) annoyed him.

"There's no need to call me 'senpai.' I'm not your classmate Yuuma-kun. How many times do I have to tell you that?" Yuuma didn't seem to be listening to him.

"Are you and Gaku-san, you know…" He placed his hands together in a heart shape. "I saw you two leaving your room the other morning so I was just wondering." Kaito reluctantly nodded. He felt nervous about how calm Yuuma seemed to be. "That's good to know. But I don't think that the women are going to be so happy though."

"What do you mean?" Kaito asked.

"Well, the women really like you and Gaku-san. So this whole thing you two have together might be a problem with them. You know? It'll probably be best to keep it a secret until you two are comfortable with everything." Yuuma infuriated Kaito inside. How dare he say how to run their relationship? Kaito's smile threathened to wilt yet he still held it up.

"Thankn you for the adive Yuuma-kun, I'll be going now." Yuuma's face said that he wanted to say more but Kaito practically sprinted down the rest of the hallway. Kaito exhaled deeply when he closed Gakupo's door behind him.

"What's wrong?" Gakupo nearly startled him. The man was surrounded by music sheets on the floor. Kaito shook his head.

"Nothing's wrong at all." He swiftly answered. He carefully took a seat next to Gakupo in the eye of the hurricane of papers. "Are you writing or going over old songs?"

"I'm doing both. But I'm looking for one song in particular and I can't seem to find it." Gakupo flipped through some papers before he threw them on the ground.

"What's the song called?" Kaito asked.

"It was my demo song, do you remember that?" Kaito nodded and looked down at the papers. In the second pile he looked through he struck gold. He gave the sheet to Gakupo. "Was this what you're looking for?" He asked. He soaked in the sight of a rare smile lighting up Gakupo's face.

"Thanks!" Gakupo suddenly kissed his cheek. The action was small yet it had a huge impact over Kaito. He felt his heart soar once again.

Gakupo folded the paper in fourths before placing it in his back pocket. "What do you need it for?" Kaito asked. Gakupo shook his head.

"It's nothing. It's just that I lost my lyrics a while ago and I just wanted to see them." A pause then crept on and thickened between the couple.

'Um, Gaku," Kaito slowly murmured. Gakupo gave him all of his attention. "Can we kiss again?" He asked. A second barely passed before Gakupo swooped in to kiss him. This kiss was much more passionate than the previous night though. Yet all the emotions were the same. Kaito wasn't sure how he managed to maintain his composure, but he did.

Kaito noticed that Gakupo had an odd look in eyes yet he couldn't describe it. But he could tell that it was making Gakupo frustrated. "You want to go to bed now?" He asked. Kaito immediately nodded. That night was a repeat of the last, and so was the next night, and the next, and many more to come. Sometimes they would sleep in different positions or Gakupo would hold Kaito looser or tighter. Other than that their nights together were repetitive. Yet Kaito didn't mind. In fact he wished that all their nights together would be like that.

"Kaito," Gakupo called out. The bluett gazed up at him through the darkness. "Get ready tomorrow." He stated.

"Why?"

"Because something big for you and me Is happening tomorrow. So just be ready." Kaito murmured that he would. He still didn't have the slightest idea of what Gakupo meant though.


	3. Chapter 3: Love

_[A/N]_ **A popular person likes my story. I think I just died a little inside. :D**

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[[ **3** ]]

[ _**LOVE**_ ]

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As the hours to the night ticked by Kaito grew more anxious and anxious. "Why are you so nervous Kai-nii?" He heard Rin ask.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." He reassured her. Gakupo raised an eyebrow at him yet still continued to eat.

Kaito nearly jumped out of his seat when dinner was over. He also wanted to run down the hallway yet he had to control himself as he followed Gakupo. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Yuuma stare at them before he went into his own room. Kaito dismissed the boy. He wasn't his priority now.

When Gakupo closed and locked the door behind them Kaito could hold it no longer. "What are we going to do Gaku?" He asked. Gakupo went over to his drawers.

"Go lay on the bed." He said. At first Kaito sat on the bed but a look from Gakupo forced him to lie down. He looked up at the ceiling and the walls. Gakupo was in desperate need of some paint. The purple-haired individual then crawled on top of him.

Kaito immediately flustered. "G-Gaku…?" He trailed off as Gakupo stared at him. He then touched his cheek as if in a daze.

"Kaito-kun," Gakupo murmured, "you're too cute for your own good." Gakupo then pulled out what he took from his drawer and showed it to Kaito. "Do you know what this is?" Kaito could feel sweat starting to bead on his forehead.

"That's lubricant." Kaito muttered. Gakupo nodded.

"Can you take off your clothes for me?" Kaito looked down at himself before he slowly moved his hands to the hem of his shirt and then removed it. He felt the coldness of the air and Gakupo's unblinking stare on him. Gakupo pinched at the skin of his stomach.

"How can you stay this skinny when all you eat is ice-cream?" Kaito shrugged. He then slowly unzipped his pants and slid them off. "Hurry up." He heard Gakupo mutter. Kaito took his underwear off as quickly as possible.

Gakupo slowly trailed his hand down Kaito's body. He felt the bluett's breathe hitch at his touch. He then removed his own shirt. Kaito wondered how he was able to do that without his hair catching on the fabric. Gakupo then coated his fingers in the lubricant and put them in front of Kaito. "You might feel uncomfortable for a little while, but bear with me."

Kaito's breathing halted again as he felt Gakupo's fingers invade him. His mind decided that he did not like the feeling rather quickly. When Gakupo was finished Kaito watched in silence as he removed his trousers. He then gripped Katio's hips. "Are you ready?" Kaito nodded. He wasn't sure if he was making a wise choice or not though.

When Gakupo entered him Kaito nearly screamed. He even covered his mouth but no sound came out. Gakupo looked up at him in concern. Kaito removed his hand, shook his head, and smiled. "It's okay. I'm fine." He said. Gakupo moved in deeper. Kaito gripped the bedcover underneath him and bit his lip. He felt tears begin to brim yet he wiped them away. He didn't want to take the pleasure out of this for Gakupo if anything.

The purple-haired man began to thrust. Kaito was still in pain yet he tried to ignore it. He distracted himself by the sight of Gakupo's face. It was completely screwed up in concentration and he was grunting ever so slightly. Kaito, though still in pain, felt at ease. As long as his Gaku was happy, so was he.

Kaito noticed that it took a while before they were finished. When Gakupo removed himself Kaito welcomed the feeling of emptiness. Gakupo began to put his clothes back on. "You can go to the bathroom and get cleaned up." Kaito nodded and slowly rose from the bed. He almost fell. Pain shot through his back. He glanced at Gakupo who seemed to be too busy with his hair to notice. Kaito went to the bathroom as fast as he could and closed the door.

The blue-eyed boy looked at his reflection. His eyes were still glassy and his bottom lip was quivering ever so slightly. He splashed water onto his face to calm himself down, yet he still felt like he was about to burst into tears. "Don't cry, don't cry." Kaito muttered to himself.

He repeated the two words to himself as he showered and dressed in Gakupo's clothes. This time the shirt hung from both shoulders. Kaito sighed. Why did he have to be so small? Even Len was beginning to catch up to him at the age of fourteen.

Gakupo was holding something when he entered. "What's that?" Kaito asked. Gakupo handed it him. It was his scarf. "How'd you get this? I was missing my scarf all day."

"You left it in my room last night. This is odd because you always take it with you in the morning."

"I guess I just forgot about it. Sorry." Kaito moved his hand to his back. The throbbing pain still remained.

"Are you okay?" Gakupo asked. Kaito smiled.

"Don't worry about me Gaku! We should go to sleep now, I feel tired." Gakupo lied down on the bed and held his arms out to Kaito, yet the bluett seemed to ball himself up in the corner of the bed away from him. Gakupo felt disheartened by this. Did he just lose the trust between them because of his desires?

"Kaito-kun come here." Kaito turned around yet he didn't make any movement closer to Gakupo. "Do you hate me now?" Kaito chuckled.

"You sound like a little kid. Of course I don't hate you! It's just really hot and I didn't eat much ice-cream today, that's all." Kaito noticed a sad expression briefly show on the other's face before he nodded. Kaito wanted to do nothing but place himself into the others arms but he couldn't. The small voice in head prevented him from doing so. He didn't feel very safe with Gakupo for reason. Maybe it was because he didn't want to become hurt by him again.

"Goodnight." He heard Gakupo say. But his voice had the slightest bit of melancholy to it. Kaito sighed. He inched closer to Gakupo.

"I'm sorry for moving away from you." He murmured. He moved a bit closer. "Goodnight Gaku." Gakupo suddenly reached out and placed him on top of his chest. Kaito felt even more vulnerable clinging to the chest of his new lover, yet he embraced the feeling. He absolutely loved any emotion that came with Gakupo.

"Why did you say that you're not romantic? You're perfectly fine to me." Kaito shrugged. He wondered why Gakupo asked the sudden question.

"I don't really like going on dates, and those are supposed to be romantic things right?"

"But you're romantic in other ways. You're always cleaning and cooking and you treat everyone sweetly." Yuuma came to Kaito's mind. In all honesty he would rather deal with Miku on a sugar high and Meiko when she was drunk instead of have a conversation with Yuuma. Yet he thanked Gakupo for the compliment anyway.

Gakupo patted and rubbed his back. Kaito was tempted to ask for a massage yet he decided not to. Gakupo seemed tired and sad. His request was too much on the other. "Do you like me Gaku?"

"Of course I like you Kaito, I like you a lot." He kissed the top of his head. "In fact I might actually say that I love you." Kaito gasped. "Are you okay?" Gakupo asked. Kaito vigorously nodded.

"I really love you too!" He said. He knew that he sounded childish and was smiling a bit too widely but he couldn't help himself. He felt so happy. Kaito snuggled into Gakupo. The fear being hurt again was gone now. "Thank you so much." He said. He heard Gakupo chuckle.

"You should go to sleep. Maybe you'll feel better in the morning." Kaito closed his eyes but he couldn't find himself going to sleep. He was just too excited.


	4. Chapter 4: Senpai

[[ **4** ]]

[_** SENPAI **_]

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Kaito felt someone staring at him. He turned to see that it was Yuuma. He couldn't hide his annoyance. "VY2 Yuuma Roro 66, why are you staring at the back of my head?" Yuuma simply blinked at him.

"Did you have to say my entire title though? You don't run around saying IA Aria of the Planetes or VY1 Mizki. I certainly know you don't say Kamui Gakupo Gackpoid." Yuuma ended with a smirk. He then walked over to Kaito and sat next to him. Kaito resisted getting up from the couch. Why did this pink-haired boy always have to disrupt his peace of mind? "I was just wondering why you're here while everybody else is out shopping? Even Gaku-san is out too." Kaito shrugged.

"I wanted to make sure Mei-chan is alright. She had too much to drink last night." Yuuma snorted.

"Meiko-san is always having too much to drink. You're here for another reason, right?" Kaito sighed. He wanted to end this conversation as soon as possible.

"Didn't you hear the announcement that there's a new Vocaloid coming? I wanted to clean the house and plan out tonight's meal for him."

"You're too nice Kaito-senpai." Kaito snarled.

"I am not your 'senpai.' Now stop that." Yuuma seemed to ignore him once again.

"Where is this new Vocaloid going to stay though? I know there's a new room being built, but that won't be done until a few more weeks." Kaito nodded. He decided to stand up then.

"He'll be staying in my room until his room is finished. And who knows, he might not even stay here." Yuuma decided to stand also. Kaito huffed. This boy was annoying even without trying.

"What do you mean by that? Are you saying that we can actually move out of this house?" Kaito nodded. He wished he had told him that sooner.

"Notice how most of the Japanese Vocaloids live here. The English and Spanish ones stay in their own apartments. I'm not sure why."

"But SeeU and Luo Tianyi aren't Japanese." Kaito then walked away.

"That's obvious Yuuma-kun." He called out behind him. He smiled contently when he didn't hear the boy's footsteps behind him. Perhaps senpai had gotten something across after all.

* * *

"Welcome!" Everyone bowed together to the new Vocaloid. The household found it interesting that this Vocaloid could speak Swedish, Japanese, and English clearly.

"What's your name?" Miku asked. Kaito knew she was trying to be polite but he felt she asked the question a bit too forcefully.

"I'm YOHIOloid." He said. Miku smiled and led him over to Kaito.

"Well Yohio-san, this is Kaito-nii. He'll be your roommate and will show you how we get things done around here. Okay?" Kaito smiled though he felt uneasy. Yohio was much taller than him, just like everyone else. But Yohio seemed to be close to Gakupo's height.

Everyone whipped their heads to the stairs when they heard a loud clatter. They saw that it was just Meiko. She scowled at them. "Oi, why are you guys staring? It's dinnertime, right? That's why I came down." Rin giggled.

"There's a new Vocaloid Mei-nii. Meet Yohio-san." Meiko marched over to Yohio and stared at him. She then spun on her heels and headed toward the kitchen. Everyone followed after her.

"His eyes are red." She commented. She then sat at her seat. Kaito frowned.

"Are you feeling okay?" Kaito asked her. He was sure that Meiko would be over her hangover by now. She scoffed at him and grabbed her knife and fork. Kaito immediately got her a glass of saké before she could fuss at him.

"Yes I am okay. Look at him his eyes are red." Kaito glanced at Yohio. His eyes were indeed red. Kaito just thought it was an odd thing for Meiko to say.

Kaito, Miku, and Luka then served everyone's food. Kaito beckoned for Yohio to sit next to him. Everyone's chatter was more excited tonight because of Yohio's arrival and that fact that work started again in two days. But Kaito managed to hear, "Kaito-senpai," above everyone else. Kaito ignored the voice and focused on his food. "Kaito-senpai, I know you can hear me!" Kaito kept on ignoring him. He looked over at Yohio.

"Do you like your food?" He asked him. Yohio nodded. Kaito felt a pea hit him in the nose suddenly. He glared at Yuuma.

"Notice me senpai." Yuuma said. Kaito wiped off his nose with the back of sleeve.

"What do you want?"

"Why is Yohio-san sitting next to you? You don't want him to sit next to you, do you?" Kaito furrowed his eyebrows.

"I asked for him to next to me. What are you talking about?" He saw Yuuma dart his eyes to the left of him. Kaito could see an unhappy expression on Gakupo's face. Gakupo didn't want to sit by him, did he? They rarely did despite their relationship. "Leave me alone Yuuma-kun." Kaito muttered.

* * *

Kaito set Yohio's bag in the middle of his floor. His room was rather large and he had set up another futon in it the previous night. Kaito almost did not recognize his room. He was so used to sleeping in Gakupo's that he even forgot what color his walls were. He hadn't realized that he had gotten so accustomed to the smallness of Gakupo's room.

"I'm sorry if it isn't exactly what you like. When you get your room you can do as you like with it." Yohio nodded. He then walked over to the new futon.

"Why does he call you senpai?" Kaito was caught off guard.

"Eh?" He stupidly asked.

"What's his name again? Yuuma? He calls you senpai. Why?" Kaito shrugged.

"I don't know. I never asked him. I tell him to stop but he doesn't. It's really annoying." Kaito had never confessed that the boy annoyed him before. It felt nice to admit it. Yohio didn't seem to mind either.

"And what was he talking about? I didn't get it." Kaito shrugged though he fully understood what had occurred at the dinner table that night.

"I guess he thought that I wanted to sit with one of my other friends. It's okay. I didn't mind sitting with you Yohio-san." Yohio stood suddenly. Kaito noticed that he had a similar coat to his, just a different color.

Yohio had given his first smile of the night to Kaito. "You don't have to call me that. 'Yohio-kun' or whatever would be fine." Kaito nodded. He then began to unload Yohio's things in the spare drawer of his wardrobe. He wondered how all of Yohio's stuff had managed to fit in one drawer yet he didn't question it. He left out a pair of nightclothes though.

"If you want to shower tonight my bathroom is right there. The white towel can be yours." Yohio took the clothes from Kaito.

"It's okay. I had showered before I got here." He then removed his clothes right then and there. Kaito's eyes widened and he turned around. Did this man have no shame? He heard Yohio laugh frpm behind him. Kaito turned around. Yohio had decided to not wear the shirt he gave him. Kaito sighed and walked over to his own bed.

"Good night Yohio-kun." He said.

"Good night Kaito-senpai." Kaito frowned. He wanted to like roommate, not find him another annoyance.


	5. Chapter 5: Heartsick

_[A/N] _**REPLIES, because replying is fun (even though like three different people have reviewed): **

_Dear __**MimoruGK**_: _Thank you for liking the story! ;3 I wasn't sure if I did a nice job with Gakupo. I like to make him really playful and happy so serious!Gakupo is kind of weird for me. And the thing you mentioned about Gaku caring about Kaito will play later into the story. Nice job catching that. ;) And I update like once or twice a day, it's crazy. Thank you for the reviews! And bonus points to you for liking Free!_

_Dear __**Ditise-chan**_:_ I think you just gave me the longest review I have ever gotten in my history of fanfiction. I like long reviews tho. I used to be a horrible writer too. It was more like I wouldn't separate dialogue and my characters were annoying and there was no plot and etc. And you don't sound like an ass. ;D Thank you! And if Yohio doesn't want clothes on that's okay with me. ;)_

_Dear __**Vanarella**_: _OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ACTUALLY READ AND LIKED MY STORY. O_O The night before I wrote this I was reading one of your stories and was like I'm finally going to write a GakuxKaito story no matter what. So then when I saw you review I was like she's gonna say my story sucks or something. BUT NO YOU LIKE IT. I was like SENPAI FINALLY NOTICED ME (that reference tho ;D). Thanks for the compliments (and not noticing all the typos…). I also love RPG Maker Games (I wasnt stalking you or anything)._

* * *

[[ **5 **]]

[ _**HEARTSICK**_ ]

* * *

Kaito looked up nervously at Gakupo. "I-Is this what people do when they love each other?" He asked. His voice was shaky. Gakupo held his lover's face and looked into his eyes.

"Have you ever been in love before?" Kaito hesitated before nodding. "With who?"

Kaito turned his eyes to the side. Everything ahead of him was just too much to look at. "W-With you," he whispered. Gakupo took his face again and turned it too look at him.

The purple-haired man actually smiled again. "That's very sweet." Kaito returned the smile briefly before he glanced down. He was the one who had decided to go down this path with Gakupo. He could have always said no, but he hadn't. Kaito really wanted to make him happy that much.

He inhaled deeply before taking Gakupo's length into his mouth. He almost choked. Kaito couldn't believe that he, a man of five feet and two inches and 110 pounds soaking wet and who was always nice and never did bad thing and ate ice-cream daily, was giving oral sex to another man. Even he couldn't wrap that thought around his mind. But the sounds of Gakupo's quiet grunts confirmed it. Kaito was now no longer pure and innocent.

The door then suddenly opened. "I smell smoke!" Kaito heard. He immediately removed himself from Gakupo. It was Meiko.

And she didn't look drunk.

"What in the… _Kaito_? No, that can't be you." She was still standing and staring. Gakupo didn't even seem to care. Kaito had never felt so embarrassed in his entire life.

"Mei-chan, it's not–" She held up her hand and walked back into the hallway.

"Do what you like. But I want to talk to you later, okay?" Kaito nodded. When the door closed he felt like bursting into tears. He turned back to Gakupo, who still looked perfectly calm.

"Well, are you going to finish this or should I?" Kaito shook his head. He might as well finish what he had started. Afterwards Gakupo gave him a shirt. Kaito felt confused. They hadn't really done anything, was Gakupo really just _that_ satisfied?

"Don't you want to do something else?" Kaito asked. Gakupo shook his head.

"You have to go talk to Meiko-kun. I don't want you exhausted when you do." Kaito put on the shirt and left the room.

The walk to Meiko's room was the longest five seconds in Kaito's life. It took him almost a full minute to gather the courage to knock on the door. When it opened Meiko was unfastening her bra. Kaito took an impulsive step back. "You should've told me you weren't decent." Meiko laughed and pulled the blushing bluett in.

"You've seen me in far less clothes than this. Don't act so surprised." She then put on a nightgown before sitting on her bed. She patted the spot next to her right. Each step Kaito took towards her he could feel his heart beat more and more quickly. He felt like death was awaiting him. "You look scared."

"I'm not scared!"

"You answered a bit too fast there."

"I'm not scared Mei-chan! What did you want to talk about?" She leaned against the wall behind her and closed her eyes briefly, as if in deep thought.

"Can you hand me that cup?" She pointed to a small paper cup on the dresser. Kaito immediately got it. He surprised when he found that it was just water. "I didn't know that you were like _that_ with Gaku-chan." Kaito was tempted to laugh at her pet name for him but now wasn't the time. She took a sip of the water. "How long as it been?"

"It's been almost three months now." Meiko nodded and took another sip of water.

"You know the girls in the house aren't going to like this, especially Miku and Luka." Kaito raised an eyebrow.

"Why Miku-chan and Luka-san in particular?" Meiko gave a dark chuckle before she crushed her cup and tossed it on the floor. Kaito was tempted to pick it up and throw it away properly.

"Miku has a huge crush on you and Luka is basically in love with Gaku-chan. But if they learn that their crushes not only like them, but each other, I'm sure there will be a war in the Vocaloid household and it will not be pretty." Kaito nodded in agreement. Meiko laughed again. "It's a good thing that I don't like you two. Or else what happened back there would've been really ugly." Kaito gave a small laugh along with her.

"I'm sorry that I didn't tell you Mei-chan. I thought that it might be a bad idea." She shook her head.

"I understand. Oi, I'm tired." She closed her eyes then and there. Kaito sighed, laid his friend down, and turned off the lights.

* * *

"There were two songs of the same title so I brought both. I hope you don't mind Gaku." When Kaito looked up his eyes widened. Yuuma and Gakupo were tangled in each other's arms. Kaito wouldn't have minded if it was Yuuma who had approached Gakupo. But it was the lavender-haired man who was tracing kisses along the other's jawline.

Yuuma immediately broke away from Gakupo. "K-Kaito-senpai, uh, it's not what it looks like." Kaito clenched his hands into fists and looked down.

"I am not your senpai. And I hate you." I heard Yuuma huff.

"I knew you hated me for–"

"Not you." He then left the room.

* * *

"Kaito-kun, open the door! I live here too you know!" Kaito slowly rose from the floor and opened the door. Yohio frowned when he saw him. "Why'd you locked the door? And are you crying?" Kaito wiped at his cheeks yet that still didn't cover the redness of his eyes.

"I-I'm fine Yohio-kun. Don't worry about me, really." Yohio shook his head.

"Why are you crying? What happened?" Kaito dropped his gaze. Yohio's stature reminded him of Gakupo.

"You shouldn't be worrying over a nobody like me." Yohio grabbed Kaito's shoulders suddenly, making him jump.

"You're not a nobody! If anything I'm the nobody. All I do is sing songs and dress up. You take care of everybody and make sure that everyone's needs are met. I've been here for like two weeks and I already know that much about you." The words broke Kaito down further. He felt his shoulders tremble before more tears welled up again.

He felt utterly humiliated by Gakupo, Yuuma, and by Yohio because he was crying in front of him. He wasn't sure when he had allowed the tall man to hold him as he sobbed like a newborn infant. He wasn't sure when he had showered and changed into a pair of Yohio's clothes. He wasn't sure when he had gone to Yohio's bed and continued to cry into his arms. But he was sure of one thing. This wasn't right, none of it. If he hadn't confessed to Gakupo in the first place then none of this would have happened. He wouldn't have been this heartbroken.


	6. Chapter 6: Worthless

_Dear __**Ditsie-chan**__ and __**Vanarella**_: _I think I love you two lol. And the "popular" was a joke (I think I have a more read story actually). You two have fun. ;D_

* * *

[[ **6** ]]

[ _**WORTHLESS**_ ]

* * *

Yohio awoke to an empty feeling. He opened his eyes and was startled to find that Kaito was no longer in his bed. When he sat up he found that the bluett was just standing in front of the mirror, still in his clothes and eyes bloodshot. "Good morning Kaito-kun." Yohio said. Kaito turned around slowly to face him.

"Good morning." Yohio sighed and stood up. He held his arms out to Kaito who immediately allowed the other to hug him. When their relationship got so close, both of them did not know.

"You never told me why you were crying last night. Do you want to tell me now?" Kaito looked up at him before sighing.

"You remind me of Gakupo-san right now." He murmured. "Except he usually wears shirts to bed." Yohio gave a dry laugh at that and Kaito gave a small smile. He dried his eyes and shook his head. "It's nothing really. I just got in a really bad argument with Gakupo-san, that's all. I'm just being too sensitive about it."

"But to me it seemed like you just broke up with someone." Kaito's eyes widened. There was no chance that Yohio knew. The only ones who Kaito were positive of were Yuuma and Meiko. Yohio had never had a chance to catch them together or anything. Kaito saw Yohio smile when he looked back up at him. "So you did break up with someone? What girl broke your heart that bad Kaito-kun?" Kaito shook his head.

"It wasn't a girl." He muttered.

"I thought so. You wouldn't have cried so much if it was a girl. So you and Kamui-san were together and it didn't work out?" Kaito shook his head. He didn't have to energy to be angry at himself for admitting it to Yohio. After the night they had together he had no choice but to trust him now. "Care you tell me what happened?"

"I-I saw him k-kissing Yuuma-kun." He felt his tears begin to well up again. Kaito gave a small laugh and wiped at his eyes. "I'm sorry I'm being such a crybaby." Yohio had an odd expression on his face.

"It's okay. You are really small." Kaito furrowed his eyebrows in curiosity.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It doesn't mean anything! I didn't mean to say it like that!"

"Then what did you mean to say?"

"I may have implied that you may have been the 'girl' in the relationship you had with Kamui-san…"

"Yohio!"

"I'm so sorry! But I know that I'm right!" Kaito sighed and let go of the tall Vocaloid. "Are you okay now? I think you have work today." Kaito nodded. He sniffled before he put up a smile.

"I think I'm okay now." Yohio raised an eyebrow.

"Can you give me a real smile?" Kaito sighed and tried to make his smile more generous. Yohio shrugged. "That's close enough. Let's go!"

* * *

Dinnertime was quite awkward. Kaito and Yohio sat together one side, and Gakupo and Yuuma did the same on the other. The four had them were eating in silence, which didn't bother most of the Vocaloids at the table.

Meiko suddenly slammed her drink down getting most of the attention. "Something's different in the atmosphere tonight. It's really cold for some reason." Everyone was confused.

"What do you mean Mei-nii?" Len asked. She shrugged.

"There's a certain group of people here who are not talking." She shot glares to exactly who she was talking about. "Now I want those four people to follow me." Without question Gakupo, Kaito, Yohio, and Yuuma stood and followed the brunette out. She led them to the new room (Yohio had decided to stay with Kaito after all) and instructed them all to sit on the floor.

"Meiko-chan, what are you–" She held up a finger.

"I am not going to open this door until I believe that you all have solved your problem." Kaito was about to protest but she closed the door. He slumped against the nearest wall and looked down at his hands. He would rather do anything now then be locked in a room with this particular group of people.

Gakupo cleared his throat. "Kaito, can you come here?" Kaito looked up but he made no intentions of moving closer to everybody else. Gakupo huffed. "We have to at least sound like we're apologizing to each other, and then she'll let us out." He said in a low voice.

"Are sure about that?" Yuuma asked. Gakupo nodded. "Okay then. I am sorry for enticing Gakupo Kaito-san."

"I am not your senpai." Kaito automatically said. Yuuma frowned.

"I didn't call you 'senpai.'" Kaito blinked. He couldn't believe his ears.

"I am sorry for cheating on you with Yuuma-san Kaito." Gakupo said. Kaito sighed. It was his turn.

"I am sorry for saying that I hated the both of you Yuuma-san and Gakupo-san." Each man nodded and turned towards the door. After a few second it opened. Meiko was smirking.

"I'm not sure if you guys sounded sincere. But I guess that's good enough. Now get out this room." They all left the room single file. Yohio and Kaito headed toward their personal room. But out of the corner of his eye Kaito could see Gakupo and Yuuma go down to the end of the hallway. Kaito felt his heart crack all over again.

Yohio noticed this also and patted Kaito's back. "Come on, you all apologized one way or another. Everything's going to be okay now." Kaito sat down on his bed.

"I guess so."


	7. Chapter 7: Desires

_Dear** Ditsie**_: _Well, after I'm done doing amazing things like skydiving, spending time with my family, hanging out with my friends, mountain climbing, discovering new nations, and going outside I like to settle down by writing some fanfiction. Sometimes I get out of hand… I really like this story so I update like once or twice a night._

_Dear **MimoruG****K**_: _Thank you. :)_

_Dear **Vana**_: _;)_

* * *

[[ **7** ]]

[ _**DESIRES**_ ]

* * *

Kaito sighed and stared at Yohio who sat on the opposite side of the bathtub. A week had passed since the ordeal with Gakupo and Yuuma. Kaito hadn't been able to look any of them in the eye since. Yet he found dinners less weird with Yohio by his side.

Kaito continued to look at the blond man who had his eyes closed and was leaning against the wall. Kaito wasn't exactly sure when their arrangement of bathing together had begun. Perhaps it was the night when Kaito had caught Gakupo and Yohio had forced him to shower.

The bluett absentmindedly splashed at the water in between them. Ripples were slow to show though. When Kaito looked back up Yohio had opened his eyes. The blond smiled. They usually didn't talk to each other during their bath sessions. Kaito figured not because it was awkward, but because there was nothing to say. Having another person's company at such an intimate and private time was good enough.

But Yohio cleared his throat. "Could you turn around for me Kai-kun?"

"Why?" Kaito asked. He turned around nonetheless. He felt something rough touch his back. He turned around, surprised to find that Yohio had a washcloth in hand. "You're not supposed to bathe in the bathtub Yohio." The blond smirked and turned him back around.

"Since when do I follow the rules?" He asked. He continued to softly scrub the bluett's back. Soon Kaito felt him rinse off the suds. He still sat with his back to Yohio though.

"Why'd you do that?" He felt the water raise around him before Yohio suddenly grabbed him and pulled him against him. Kaito squirmed to the feeling of a fully nude Yohio against him. The only other person he felt like this was Gakupo. "Y-Yohio!" Kaito heard him laugh from behind him.

"It's getting cold on my side. I thought that you'd like to warm me up." Kaito huffed.

"That's a horrible excuse." Kaito muttered. He gasped when Yohio gripped him tightly. "C-Can you let go–"

"I really like you." Kaito tried to turn around but Yohio was hold was strong. "I know that it's stupid. I've known you for around a month and you just got over someone else cheating on you. But I can't help myself." Lips were on the bluett's neck suddenly.

"Yohio, stop," Kaito muttered. He wasn't sure if his voice was too quiet or if the blond was ignoring him. "Stop please." Kaito repeated more loudly. Yet instead Yohio turned him around and stole a kiss. Kaito found that he couldn't move for some reason.

Yohio got of the tub, took a towel, took Kaito out, and dried him off. He then lied him down on the bed. Kaito then broke out of his stupor. "Y-Yohio, n-no!" Yohio shook his head.

"I just want to say that I am very sorry in advance Kai-kun." Kaito rapidly blinked.

"What do you–" Kaito actually screamed this time. Only a few seconds of his yell were let out before Yohio covered his mouth. Kaito's heart felt like it stopped beating and his mind froze. After a few seconds words finally started to process in his mind.

Yohio. Bath. Confession. Kiss. No preparation. Rape. Love. What's going on? Rape. Non-consensual sex. Rape. Why? What did I do wrong?

Kaito felt like screaming again when he felt Yohio begin to thrust. Tears pricked his eyes. He only had a few times with Gakupo. He still wasn't used to the feeling. "Yohio… why?" He managed to choke out. Yohio then removed himself. "Wait, you didn't finish." He blankly said. Yohio hugged him.

"I am so, so sorry. I don't know what took over me. Please, please forgive me Kai-kun. Please!" Yohio let go of Kaito when he found that the bluett wasn't answering. "I have a mental disorder, okay? It makes me do really bad impulsive things sometimes. I know that you'll probably see it as an excuse, but please Kaito." Kaito was still eerily silent.

When the bluett looked up he didn't look angered or sad. His brow wasn't the least bit furrowed and his eyes were almost completely dry. "I understand Yohio-san, and I forgive you. But I'm going to have to ask you to move out of my room. I don't think I can trust you anymore."

"But Kai–"

"Please. Just leave." Kaito sat up on the bed as he watched his former friend begin to remove his items from the dresser and pack them away. Yohio gave one last glance to Kaito, who still looked stoic, before he left the room. When the door closed Kaito began to cry.

"I'm such a crybaby." He muttered between his choked sobs.

* * *

Kaito picked up trash from Meiko's floor as she got dressed for the night. He looked up when he heard her give a small laugh. "You know you haven't asked to sleep me with since you were scared of dark. I didn't know that you still were." Kaito huffed as he threw her trash away.

"I'm not scared of the dark anymore. I just don't feel safe tonight, that's all." Meiko raised an eyebrow and she plopped down on her bed.

"So you're scared that the boogeyman is going to pay you a visit or something?" Kaito rolled his eyes and sat next to her. "Seriously, what's wrong?" Kaito looked down at his hands. His heart literally ached. It felt like someone had placed a weight on top of it. His thinking had also altered. His thoughts were fuzzy and jumbled in his head. But he was sure of one single thing.

"I want to die." He stated. Meiko sat straight up from the bed.

"What do mean you want to die? Please don't tell me you're committing suicide! Kaito, what's wrong?" Kaito couldn't look up at her. He felt ashamed for admitting that. Now he had worried his best friend.

"No, forget that I said that. It's not important." He hadn't anticipated the slap that came from Meiko. He touched his cheek and looked in surprise at her. She still had her hand raised in the air and was slowly clenching her fingers into a fist.

"What in the hell is wrong with you?" Kaito involuntarily winced. Meiko only cursed when she was intoxicated. "Don't you ever talk about yourself like that Kaito. Got it?" He nodded. "You may not be popular, but you're the most important Vocaloid in this house. If you died..." Kaito saw that her fingers were in the skin of her palm now. "If you died I wouldn't be able to live with myself."

Kaito quickly unfurled her hand. Her palm had red marks on it but it wasn't anything too serious. One thing he admired about the woman was that she was strong in everything except when it came to him. "What happened? Is it Gakupo? I thought that you were over him now." Kaito shook his head.

"Yohio-san did some things to me earlier tonight." Meiko gathered him in her arms suddenly. He felt like he was being suffocating by her chest though.

"Oh my poor, poor little Kaito baby! How could that European bastard do such a thing to my Kai-tan?" Kaito actually laughed at her attempt to lighten the mood.

"Mei-chan, your breasts are making it hard for me to breathe." Instead of letting go of him she held him tighter.

"Maybe if you get your head deep enough in there you die of lack of oxygen, eh?" Kaito laughed again. There was something about Meiko that allowed her to make fun of a person's faults and still make them feel better. "You want me to get Luka? She's much, much more blessed than me. And maybe she'll just die too if you stuck your head in between hers."

After a few more minutes of joking Meiko let go of him. "Thank you Mei-chan. I really needed that." She nodded.

"I'd do anything for you. And you better believe that." He nodded. She then leaned over her headboard to turn off the lights. "Nothing bad is going to happen to you night, alright? If the boogeyman wants to break in here he's going to have to go through me before he gets to you." Kaito gave one last laugh for the night before he got underneath the blankets of the bed.

"Good night Mei-chan." He called out.

"Good night to you too Kaito." She replied. Kaito found that he couldn't go to sleep unless he heard her snoring. The weight on his heart felt like it had lifted some. With a small smile on his face he finally went to sleep.


	8. Chapter 8: Void

『 _8_ 』

【 _**VOID**_ 】

* * *

Kaito ran his hand through his hair as he walked downstairs. "You know it's a good and a bad thing that the walls to the rooms are soundproof." He heard Gakupo say. He turned his head to find him talking to Gumi. For some reason he had expected Yuuma.

Gumi shrugged. "Yeah, I guess so." She murmured. Gakupo looked at him straight in the eyes before he returned to the television. Kaito felt a shiver run through him as he walked on.

Right when he walked into the kitchen Kaito was hit by a full force of Hatsune Miku. "Kai-nii, we're shopping! Do you want to go?" He smiled and shook his head. She pouted. "You never go out! No wonder you're so pale. And all you eat is ice-cream. I bet you're going to look like a skeleton by next month." She grabbed Rin and Luka's arms and dragged them out the kitchen. Eventually Kaito heard the house empty. He even saw Meiko go out.

Kaito sighed and slumped onto a kitchen seat with a tub of ice-cream. The Vocaloids found it surprising how he was such a hermit. He usually only went out for work and to eat food (and ice-cream, of course).

"I would ask you why you're still here, but I think I know why." Kaito jumped and dropped his spoon on the table.

"G-Good morning Gakupo-san," Kaito murmured. Gakupo sat next to him.

"I saw you go to Mei-kun's room in the middle of the night and I see that Yohio-san has moved out of your room. Why?"

"Why are you asking? It's not like you care about me." He saw Gakupo's expression wilt some, but the words needed to be said.

"Of course I care about you. I'll always care about you." He placed his hand over Kaito's but the bluett flinched away. "I would understand if you moved away from me, but you flinched. Why? What happened?"

"Stay out of my business. This doesn't concern you."

"But it does. Kaito, tell me what happened." Kaito abruptly stood.

"I was raped! Are you happy now?" Gakupo stood also.

"Why would I be happy about that? Are you okay?" Kaito huffed.

"I am perfectly fine."

"Then why did you go out to Meiko's room in the middle of night?"

"I was scared that he was going to come back, that's all."

"You could've come to my room you know."

"I wasn't sure if you were with Yuuma-san or not." Gakupo looked down.

"I am really sorry. And that is a real apology. I don't know what happened back there. And I can't say that he advanced on me because when you walked in you clearly saw what I was doing. I haven't talked to Yuuma ever since that night after Mei-kun locked us up in that room. I hope that'll make you feel better." Kaito stared at the man in silence. He never heard Gakupo sound so sincere before and he really did sound like he was sorry. Kaito felt overwhelming emotion begin to well up inside of him. Before he knew it he was holding on to Gakupo.

"I missed you so much Gaku." He sobbed. He wiped at his eyes before he held onto Gakupo again. "Ugh, I'm such a crybaby." He heard Gakupo chuckle before he returned the embrace. Kaito felt him pressed a kiss against the top of his head.

"You're my crybaby." He murmured. Kaito grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him down to kiss him. Gakupo was mildly surprised. Kaito was always composed and worried if he was being rude, but now all his caution was thrown to the air. And he liked it. Kaito needed to let his impulses take over sometimes.

On his own impulse Gakupo picked up Kaito, still continuing their kiss. He felt Kaito say something muffled against his lips. "What is it?" He asked.

"Are we going to your room?" Kaito asked. Gakupo nodded. "Okay." Gakupo continued to kiss him. The words were a bit too quiet for his liking but he continued to carry the bluett up the stairs.

* * *

Kaito looked down on himself when he woke up. He was wearing a large white shirt. He slowly sat up in the bed and saw that Gakupo was still asleep. There seemed to be an invisible wall between them. There was a large space between where their bodies were as they slept. Kaito sighed. Their sex was emotionless. It felt like they were two robots and Kaito's mind kept going back to Yohio. He almost hated every moment of it.

Kaito felt his heart skip a beat. Did his feelings for Gakupo run out? That couldn't be true. A person always cared for another person, no matter what they did to them. But Kaito felt absolutely felt nothing when they were together again.

The bluett looked down at the shirt. "Why do they always dress me?" He muttered. He then stood up and peeked his head out into the hallway. No one was home yet. He carefully closed the door behind him and practically raced down the hall to his room.

Kaito quickly put on his own clothes. He after his pants were on he looked at himself in the mirror. He looked the same, yet different. The years of carefree happiness looked like they had disappeared from his face. He looked saddened. He saw bags beginning to appear under his eyes despite the fact that he had a good night's sleep. He tried smiling. Yohio was right. It didn't look the least bit genuine.

He looked down. He didn't want to keep this up any longer. Meiko had driven out the thoughts of death from his mind for the night but he felt them beginning to come back. He banged his fist against the dresser and walked downstairs to the kitchen. He thought that perhaps a bowl of ice-cream would distract him away from his mind. But it didn't.


	9. Chapter 9: Insanity

『 _9_ 』

【 _**INSANITY**_ 】

* * *

First, Kaito chose Miku and Luka. The two girls were talking together in the kitchen when he entered. He gathered their attention by clearing his throat. "Good morning. I just wanted to ask you a question Luka-san."

"What is it?"

"Who do you like more, me or Gakupo?" Her face quickly became heated. Out of the corner of his eye Kaito could see Miku give a small pout. He smiled as he turned to her. "Miku-chan, I have something to give you." She then smiled.

"What is it?" She asked.

"Can you close your eyes for me?" The girl did as so. Kaito pressed a hesitant kiss against her and Luka's cheeks. Miku's eyes fluttered opened. "I know that you two like Gakupo and I. And Luka-san, I'm sorry I'm not Gakupo-san, but I hope that that was good enough for you." As he left the kitchen he heard the girls begin to squeal.

* * *

Kaito decided to pay a visit to Rin and Len next. They were watching the television in the living-room. "I have something for you two." He said. Rin immediately took interest but Len still looked at the T.V.

"What is it Kai-nii?" He held out new outfits towards them. Len even looked satisfied at the gift. "These are two old outfits of mine. I got the blue colors switched out with yellow just for you guys. I hope you like it." They both simultaneously nodded.

"Did you have to shrink it too?" Rin asked. Kaito huffed.

"I didn't actually." He left the room before any more questions could be asked.

* * *

Kaito decided to go to Yuuma for his third trip. It took him a moment to knock on the door. He truly did regret all the unnecessary bad blood they shared. Kaito couldn't help it if Yuuma was annoying. The pink-haired boy looked agitated when he saw that it was none other than the bluett at the door. "Do you need something Kaito-san?" Kaito smiled and shook his head.

"Can I come in?" Yuuma let him in, though reluctantly. Kaito watched as he sat on his bed with his arms crossed. He still looked unhappy. Kaito sighed. "Even though you annoy me, I actually like you Yuuma-kun. And I wished that we could be friends before. I'm sorry for being mean to you?" Yuuma's expression softened some, but he raised an eyebrow.

"Why are you suddenly apologizing to me?" Kaito shrugged.

"I'm not sure. I just had the sudden urge to. Whether you accept my apology or not, it's up to you. Have a nice day Yuuma-kun." He gave a slight bow before he left the room.

* * *

Kaito went to Yohio for his fourth visit. It took a moment for the blond to come to the door. His eyes widened as he saw Kaito. "Kaito-san, what are you doing here?"

"Can I come inside?" Kaito asked. Yohio stood frozen for a moment before letting him inside the room. Kaito looked around it. Yohio had set it up nicely in a couple of days. The bluett sat himself down on the bed. "Yohio-san, could you name one thing that you want from me the most?" Yohio's eyes widened again.

"Um, I guess I want to kiss you. Why?" Kaito stood and pressed a small kiss against Yohio's lips.

"You're welcome!" Kaito called out as he left a stunned Yohio.

* * *

Kaito visited Meiko fifthly. "Mei-chan, I have a surprise for you." She immediately threw her notebook on the floor and sat up.

"You have a surprise for me? What is it?" Kaito handed her two plastic bags containing saké. She smiled. "This will last for weeks! Thanks Kai-kun. Why'd you get me this though?" Kaito shrugged.

"I don't know. I just had to urge to. Good morning by the way." Meiko opened a bottle and smiled.

"Yep, it's a good morning indeed." Kaito left before he could see the sight of her first sip.

* * *

Kaito's last visit was to Gakupo. The purple-haired man was once again seated on his floor surrounded by music sheets. Kaito leaned down and kissed his forehead. Gakupo gave a brief smile. "What was that for?" Kaito shrugged.

"I don't know." He pulled a piece of paper from his pocket. "Can you put this downstairs for me? It's a list of what I plan on having for dinner for the next week." Gakupo looked over it.

"Isn't this everyone's favorite foods? You're very thoughtful." Kaito nodded.

"Thank you. Good morning by the way." Gakupo folded the paper and placed it away from his music pile.

"Good morning Kaito-kun." Kaito then left that room also.

* * *

Kaito didn't know how he managed to slip out of the house unnoticed. He had forgotten his scarf somehow but he didn't mind the biting winter breeze. In fact he embraced it. Winter was always his favorite season. He loved the music that came with the snow and he especially loved recording it.

Kaito knew he looked insane at the moment. He was wearing a light jacket while it was at least 47 degrees outside. But that was his plan. He needed the cold to get to him.

After some aimless walking the bluett eventually found what he was looking for: a bench in seemingly the middle of nowhere. There used to be a park in the area yet it was torn down a while ago, yet oddly enough the construction workers left a simple park bench. Kaito often went to it to clear his thoughts when he did go outside. And now was a time to do just that.

Kaito sat on the bench and sighed. His thoughts seemed to be as rigid and frozen as the air around him. He then closed his eyes and lied down on the bench. He was still very sure that he looked insane if there were any outsiders around him.


	10. Chapter 10: Treatment

_[A/N] _**"Saisho no ishi" means "the first doctor."**

* * *

『 _10_ 』

【 _**TREATMENT**_ 】

[…_several weeks later_…]

* * *

Kaito perked his ears when he heard the door behind him open yet he didn't look behind him. He listened to the sound of heels clicking against the floor and he looked up to find a woman sitting in front of him. She wasn't wearing gloves or a lab coat. In fact she was wearing a dress. Kaito was mildly surprised.

"Good morning Kaito-san. I am Ishi Saisho, and I will help you with your recovery and treatment." She almost sounded like a robot.

"Good morning Ishi-sensei." Kaito replied. She set down her clipboard at her feet suddenly. Kaito briefly raised an eyebrow.

"Can you tell me why you were emitted to the hospital?" Kaito frowned, yet he didn't want to be seen as rude.

"I was emitted into the hospital for lobar pneumonia because of overexposure to the cold and mild hypothermia from drug use." Ishi nodded. Kaito expected for her to pick up her clipboard and jot down something, but she didn't.

"When I was in this hospital I was in for hypothermia from drugs also and depression. I guess I found something alike about us Kaito-san." Ishi crossed her legs. "Your friends had told me that you did some strange things before you went out that day. Would you like to explain?"

"I was trying to say goodbye to them all in a way." Ishi nodded again. Kaito expected for her to comment yet she didn't. "I didn't want them to think that I was heartless. I wanted for them to always picture me as a nice, kind person even though I really am not."

"Your friends said that you have a very happy, carefree personality. So you wanting to take your life was very unexpected to them." Kaito looked down at his hands again.

"S-Some things happened. And I don't know why, but those things weighed on me, they made me feel worthless. I felt like I wasn't needed by anyone because the person I cared for the most didn't seem care about me." Kaito absently rubbed his hands together though he was perfectly warm. "They just wanted me for sex." He muttered.

"It sounds to me like she wasn't a very good person." Kaito sharply looked up at the therapist in rare anger.

"Gakupo wasn't that kind of person!" He exclaimed. He then immediately regretted his words. "I'm sorry. I've said too much." Ishi giggled. Kaito felt confused. He had expected for her to become immediately disgusted with him.

"I was suspicious of your sexual orientation Kaito-san. I had a talk with each of your friends and I noticed that every single male is gay or bisexual." Kaito's eyes widened.

"Even Len-kun?" He asked. Ishi nodded.

"He would be the bisexual." Kaito gave a small laugh at that.

"I didn't even know that. You're very observant." Ishi nodded and winked.

"If I wasn't then I wouldn't be a therapist." They shared another laugh. Kaito felt at ease then. Ishi carried an air around her that was to be trusted. "Now, can you tell me what your relationship was like with Kamui-san?" Kaito nodded and settled back into his seat.

"At first it was the best thing that has ever happened to me. When I realized that I actually liked him I thought that there was something wrong with me. But when I confessed to him he actually accepted me. I was so happy then." Kaito sighed. "But then I walked on him kissing someone else one day."

"That was the first thing that broke you down, correct?" Kaito nodded. He hadn't expected for Ishi to actually listen and understand him. "Would you like to tell me the second?" The bluett looked back down at his hands.

"I was raped." He stated. An odd silence settled in between them. Kaito looked up. Ishi wore the same expression on her face.

"Would you like to talk about what happened?" Kaito looked down at his hands, unsure. He felt it odd how he didn't technically _dislike_ Yohio. He just had an irrational fear of him. "If you like you can leave out names. Even if you said names then I wouldn't tell anyone. What happens in this room stays in this room." Kaito's eyes widened slightly.

"Really?" She nodded. "Yohio-san and I were very close to each other despite the fact that I had known him for about a month. We were bathing together when he kissed me and he threw me on the bed. Then he…" Kaito found that his words couldn't come out.

"Kaito-kun, are you alright?" Kaito balled his hands into fists.

"I know that I'm not as strong as Gakupo or as Meiko. But I'm so weak. All that happened was my boyfriend cheated on me and I was raped. He didn't even finish, that's how bad I am! I'm not even good enough for someone to finish raping me! And I tried to freeze myself over it." Kaito felt tears stream down his cheeks. "Why am I so weak? Why am I just some small guy who cries about every little thing? Why?!" Ishi continued to wear the same expression on her face.

"You're weak because that's how you view yourself." She picked up her clipboard and abruptly stood from her seat. "Your friends will be visiting you in the afternoon. I hope you enjoy your morning Kaito-san." Kaito stood from his seat also.

"But Ishi-sensei—" She closed the door on his words.


	11. Chapter 11: Arrangements

『 _11_ 』

【 _**ARRANGEMENTS**_ 】

* * *

"Kai-nii!" Kaito jumped from his bed. He was then hit with the force of 1,000 Vocaloids. Though he missed his friends he found that he couldn't smile in the warmth of their hugs.

Meiko slapped the back of his head when all let go yet she smiled. "I missed you Kaito." She said.

"We all missed you Kai-nii!" Miku shouted. Everyone else murmured the same things. Kaito nodded.

"I missed you all too." Kaito said. Gumi pointed a finger at his nose.

"You don't look very happy though." She said. Gakupo nudged her side with his elbow.

"Of course he doesn't look happy." He muttered. Kaito looked around the crowd of his friends and found Yohio by the door. The blond just stared at him. Kaito expected a smile or a wave from him. But Yohio was really the only one who looked sad.

Kaito sat down on his bed again. "They said that I could go home now. My pneumonia wasn't that bad." Meiko shook her head.

"You were here for like a month." Kaito shrugged. He removed his hospital bracelet and walked over to the door.

"I want some ice-cream." Kaito murmured. He felt Meiko slap his head again. "Stop hitting me Mei-chan!" He whined.

"You just had pneumonia, you're not eating any ice-cream!"

* * *

Kaito found it odd how no one had questioned him. He was scared to ask anyone if the therapist had told broke their promise and told them why he attempted suicide. But everyone was happy, as if nothing had happened in the first place.

Except for Yohio.

Kaito hovered his hand over Yohio's door. He inhaled deeply before he knocked. He heard some shuffling before the door opened. Yohio frowned. "What's wrong Kaito?" He asked.

"Can I come in?" Kaito asked. Yohio looked down.

"Why?"

"I want to talk to you. Can you please let me in?" It took almost a full minute before Yohio let him step inside. Kaito winced slightly at the sound of the door closing behind him.

"What do you want to talk about?" Yohio asked. Kaito noticed the sudden cold tone to his voice.

"I-I just wanted to ask if anybody knows why I tried to—"

"Kill yourself? Ishi-sensei only spoke to Gakupo-san, Yuuma, and I. She said that we were your problem." Kaito looked down. He had never seen Yohio angry before, and he couldn't figure out why. "Why are you even here? Don't you hate me or something?" Kaito shook his head.

"I don't hate you Yohio, and I never will." Kaito walked towards the door. "I'm sorry I disturbed your night." An arm pulled him back suddenly. Yohio hugged him.

"Thank you for not hating me." The blond whispered. Kaito nodded yet didn't lift his arms to return the embrace. When Yohio let go he opened the door.

"Goodnight." Kaito said. Yohio grabbed his arm again. "Yohio-kun, could you pl—" He stole another kiss from him. Kaito's eyes widened and he tried wildly to break free. The door was opened, someone could see them.

Yohio eventually did let go. He closed his door without saying goodnight also. Kaito sighed and walked to Gakupo's room. He was surprised to see that the man wasn't there and his room was completely bare.

"Kaito," Gakupo called out. Kaito turned around. The purple-haired man had three suite cases and a box next to him. "What are you doing?" Kaito frowned. He felt confused.

"What are _you_ doing?"

"Well, I guess it's a good thing that you don't know. I distracted everybody by saying that I'm moving out with you. That's why they were so happy in the hospital. Take this suitcase for me."

"What do you mean we're moving out?" Kaito asked. He took the suitcase nonetheless though.

"I thought that it might be good for you to leave this house." Gakupo also had a cold tone to his voice. Kaito wondered if he had really upset him and Yohio that badly.

"Okay." Kaito murmured. He knew that a regular person would protest and demand to stay in the only home they knew. But Kaito felt like he wasn't a regular person, but a weak person.

After one last look at the house he followed Gakupo outside.


	12. Chapter 12: Recovery

『 _12_ 』

【 _**RECOVERY**_ 】

* * *

The apartment complex that Gakupo selected was nearly perfect. It wasn't especially fancy or rundown and it was at the corner of the hospital and recording studio. Kaito was surprised to see that the house was already furnished when they walked in. "Did you plan all this?" He asked. The bluett turned around to see that Gakupo had disappeared.

He walked around the apartment and found that Gakupo was on the balcony smoking. The purplett then suddenly stubbed the cigarette and walked inside. He grabbed Kaito's arm. "So you think that it's okay to kiss other people, eh?"

Kaito was confused for a moment before it clicked in his mind. Out of all people it just had to Gakupo who caught Kaito and Yohio. "First of all, he kissed me. I tried to get him off of me. Second of all, you kissed Yuuma before." Gakupo growled and tightened his grip on Kaito. The bluett gulped. No one wanted to face the wrath of Gakupo when he was angered.

"There's no need to rude Kaito. I had gotten this apartment so we could start over, especially you. You need a fresh start."

"How do you know what I need? You're not me." Gakupo's grip tightened. Kaito tried to pry his fingers off but it was no use. "Let go of me." He muttered. Gakupo then grabbed both of his shoulders instead.

"You're always so polite, what happened to you?" Kaito huffed.

"Kamui Gakupo." Kaito hissed. Gakupo snarled.

"You're trying to act tough now? Why weren't you like this when Yohio kissed you?"

"Gaku–"

"Why weren't you like this when he tried to rape you?"

"Shut up!" Kaito yelled. Gakupo slapped him suddenly. Despite that Gakupo was very stern most of the time he had never hit someone out of pure annoyance and anger before. Kaito touched his cheek. Meiko's slaps were more annoying than painful, but Kaito had managed to the bite the inside of his cheek. He could taste blood in his mouth. "Ga-Gakupo…" he murmured.

Gakupo sat down at the kitchen table, took a cigarette, and lit it. "I like nice and obedient Kaito more than defiant Kaito." He watched Kaito from the corner of his eyes as he smoked. The bluett still stood in shock with his hand to his cheek. Blood started to trickle down his lip. Gakupo sighed and rolled his eyes. "Don't just let yourself bleed you idiot, go clean yourself up." Kaito, almost robotically, walked away to the bathroom.

The bluett looked up at his reflection. He was surprised to see that he wasn't crying. But it wasn't as if he had expected Gakupo to hit him. He still couldn't believe that he did. Kaito quickly spat into the sink until he was sure that the bleeding of his cheek had stopped. He then walked back into the kitchen to see that Gakupo was still sitting and smoking.

"Gakupo-san," Kaito called out. The purplett glanced at him. "I'm sorry." Gakupo shrugged and leaned back in his chair. He blew out a puff of smoke before he turned back to Kaito.

"Just go unpack your stuff." Kaito nodded and walked to their bedroom. The room was moderately sized yet the bed took up much space. Kaito had to calm his hands, they were trembling. He was still surprised that he hadn't cried yet. Was he really in that much shock?

It took too much time for the bluett to unpack. He would pause his movements when he thought back to Yohio and Gakupo. How was he supposed to "recover" if his problems just made it worst for him?

"Kaito-kun, come here!" Kaito found himself staring at the doorway for a moment before he walked back to the kitchen. He almost coughed when the strong odor of tobacco hit him. "It's dinnertime. I bought groceries, they're in the refrigerator." Kaito nodded and began to cook. Gakupo raised his eyebrow when his plate was given to him. "Aren't you going to eat?"

"I'm not hungry." Kaito murmured. Gakupo sighed.

"Stop sounding so monotonous, what did I say about that?" Kaito sighed.

"I'm sorry. I'm going to bed now."

"You do that."

Kaito hesitantly said, "Good night."

"Just go to bed." Kaito then returned to their bedroom. He decided to put on his own clothes to bed. He found the night relentless for him. Gakupo also did not go to bed that night. Kaito wondered why, yet he wasn't going to question it in the morning. He hardly ever questioned anything now that he thought about it.


	13. Chapter 13: Couple

『 _13_ 』

【 _**COUPLE**_ 】

* * *

Kaito found Gakupo in the living-room that morning. He was going through a notebook with a pack of cigarettes nearby him. "Good morning Gaku-san." Gakupo barely glanced up to look at him.

"Did you make breakfast?" Kaito nodded. The bluett continued to stand in the doorway. "Are you still here?" Kaito took a hesitant step towards Gakupo.

"I just wanted to say that I love you." Kaito said. Gakupo looked at him again. His facial expression was exactly the same: stoic.

"I love you too." The words were said with such an icy tone that Kaito could literally feel his heart stop for a moment. Gakupo didn't even try to sound the least bit sincere. He just said "I love you" in a deadpan as though it meant nothing at all.

"I really, really do love you Gaku." Kaito pressed on. Gakupo nodded.

"And I really, really do love you too." He responded. Kaito clenched his fists and looked down.

"Are we both lying?" He muttered. Gakupo set his notebook next to his cigarettes and walked over to the bluett. He gently picked his face up by the chin with one finger. The purplett gave a small smile and brushed away at the stray tears that were gathering in Kaito's eyes.

"Don't cry Kaito-kun. Now, why would I lie to you?" Kaito looked up at him in astonishment. How was this man able to transform from the heartless monster he was last night to a caring person? Kaito slowly raised his hands to Gakupo's.

"I thought that you didn't care about me." Gakupo shook his head.

"Stop saying that. Of course I care about you." He playfully tweaked the end of his nose. "You, Kaito-kun, are very addictive. I can't stay away from you." Kaito felt like he hadn't blushed in ages.

"Don't say cliché things like that!" Gakupo hugged him.

"I'm so crazy about you. I feel like we're soul mates or something. It's like we were meant to be together. You're my everything. You're like my missing half and my sunshine all in one." Kaito laughed. He always cherished the rare moments when Gakupo was childish. Even a tall, sophisticated man with deadly (and unnecessary) sword skills could act like a high school student sometimes.

Gakupo leaned down to Kaito's ear. "But in all seriousness I think I have a crush on you Kaito-san. Please don't reject my feelings." Kaito laughed though he felt slightly offended. Those were the words he used when he confessed to Gakupo.

Nonetheless the bluett hugged the purplett. He wanted to say something but for some reason words couldn't process in his head. He heard Gakupo murmur something before he picked him up suddenly. "What'd you say?" Kaito asked. Gakupo pressed a soft kiss against his forehead.

"I said that I need you right now." Kaito's heart then sunk again. Perhaps he was right after all. Just about each one of their heartfelt conversations would lead to Kaito being carried to bed. No wonder Gakupo had gained the ability to remove both of their clothes in seconds.

Kaito expected that being separated a month from Gakupo would have some sort of great effect, but it didn't. It all felt the same. He felt Gakupo pause for a moment though. "Be mindful that we have neighbors." Kaito flustered.

"I'm not that even loud in the first place!"

"You're being loud now."

"Sorry."

"It's okay." He leaned down against his neck. "Now would you like a mark here?" He looked downwards. "Or h–"

"Gakupo, not there!"

"There you go being loud again."

"Sorry."

"It's okay." He then inserted himself. Kaito watched an odd look briefly show on his face.

"What's wrong?" Gakupo quickly shook his head. He then pushed in deeper. Kaito inhaled deeply. He could admit that he didn't like or dislike the feeling. It took him a while to notice that he only did this with Gakupo to make him happy. Once again, Kaito would do anything to make his Gaku happy. Even during the times when he was convinced that the other just treated him as an object to ejaculate into.

Kaito suppressed a gasp when he felt Gakupo grab his hand suddenly. The purplett still wasn't looking at his face. Kaito nearly frowned. Was he just doing that to seem like he cared? Did he think that Kaito was completely stupid? Kaito then felt tempted to shake his hand off but he let Gakupo do as he pleased.

He felt Gakupo grip his hand rather tightly as he released. When he removed himself he didn't look very happy. "What's wrong?" Kaito asked again. Gakupo poked his forehead suddenly.

"You didn't do anything. I don't want to feel like I'm– excuse my language–fucking a doll or a dead corpse. That's no fun." Kaito broke their gaze. He fumbled with his fingers until he looked back up. He slowly reached out for Gakupo.

"What if I–" Gakupo grabbed his arm.

"No, I'm tired now." Kaito was tempted to protest. Gakupo did not look the least bit fatigued. Yet the purplett wrapped Kaito up in his arms and forced them both to lay down. "Goodnight Kaito-kun."

"Why are you so happy all of a sudden?" He felt Gakupo shrug.

"I guess I'm happy that I get to have you all to myself now." Kaito once again felt like property. But he sighed and snuggled himself deeper into the chest of his lover.

"Goodnight Gaku." He felt Gakupo sigh against his skin. Kaito suddenly bolted upright. "What are we doing? It's not nighttime! It's like eight A.M. and we have a recording to do at nine!" Gakupo pulled him back down.

"You can at least let me hold you for an hour." Kaito huffed. "We're not going to miss anything okay? Just relax." For the next hour they laid together in each other's arms. Near the end of the sixty minutes Kaito could feel Gakupo's hands begin to trace along his side.

"We have to go now." Kaito murmured. Gakupo placed his nose against the crook of his neck and inhaled deeply.

"Just give me one more minute."

"You've held me plenty of other times Gaku. But we have to go now." He heard Gakupo chuckle suddenly. "What's so funny?"

"It is true that I've held you plenty of times but this is the first time I've held you naked." Kaito's eyes widened. He tugged on Gakupo's arm and tried to get him out of the bed.

"Stop saying embarrassing things and let's go to work." Gakupo laughed again as he watched Kaito rush to put some clothes on. Kaito frowned when he saw that Gakupo had barely moved.

"Will you please at least try to get dressed?" Gakupo then stood.

"Okay, I'm sorry for upsetting you. Let's just go to work then." Gakupo laughed again suddenly. Kaito groaned.

"What's wrong _now_?"

"You're wearing my shirt." Kaito looked down. How did he not manage to notice that his shoulders were bare? He quickly replaced the shirt with one of his before he darted out the door.

"I'll see you there!" The bluett called out before he left. Gakupo laid back against his bed. Work didn't exactly feel one of his priorities that day.


	14. Chapter 14: Blue

_[A/N]_ **I like making references. ("Macaron (French)" vs. "Macaroon (English)").**

* * *

『 _14_ 』

【 _**BLUE**_ 】

* * *

Kaito solemnly threw away Gakupo's uneaten breakfast in the evening. The purple-haired Vocaloid had to work overtime because he had decided to skip work that day. Kaito sighed. He did not like to see food go to waste.

The sound of the doorbell nearly made Kaito drop the plate into the sink. He hurried to answer the door. "What are you doing here Yuuma-kun?" The pinkett sighed.

"Remember when you said that you liked me and wanted to be friends with me?" Kaito slowly nodded. "I just thought that you would be bored with Gakupo-san working all night. I wanted to take you out if you wanted." Kaito looked down at his hands. This was all very sudden.

"I-I don't know Yuuma-kun…" Kaito sighed. "We're not going to be out long, right?" Yuuma shrugged. Kaito took his coat. "Let's go then."

* * *

"Isn't this better than being coped up inside all day Kaito-kun?" Kaito couldn't recall the last time he had been to a café. He did admit that he liked it. Yuuma laughed. "So you're going to go outside more often now?" Kaito shook his head.

"It's warmer inside." Yuuma sighed.

"That's because you always turn the heater on to a hundred degrees."

"No I do not!"

"Back in the Vocaloid house everybody was sweating all the time!"

"Here's your order." Yuuma and Kaito immediately smiled at the waitress.

"Thank you!~" They said in harmony. Kaito looked down at his food. It looked like a hamburger dipped in dye. Kaito frowned.

"What is this?" He asked. Yuuma's eyes widened. "What?"

"You never heard of macaron before?" Kaito shook his head. "Try it! I got it blue just for you." Kaito sighed and bit into the food.

"This is good." Yuuma nodded.

"Of course it's good. Or else I wouldn't have ordered it for you." They continued to eat their own individual sweets in silence until Yuuma pointed at the flower on their table suddenly. "You know I've never seen a blue rose before."

"They dyed it. It's probably really just a white rose." Yuuma nodded again. "But it is really pretty." After they finished their food Yuuma practically dragged Kaito outside.

The boy pointed to the sky. "Look how clear the sky is tonight. And it's a full moon too." Kaito smiled and nodded.

"I can't remember the last time I've seen a full moon." Kaito murmured.

"Kaito-kun, please don't tell me that you don't look out of windows either." Kaito shrugged. "You're such an agoraphobic." Kaito raised an eyebrow.

"How do you know what agoraphobia is and not know that roses don't come in the color blue?" Yuuma shrugged also.

* * *

"Did you have a nice night?" Yuuma asked. Kaito nodded. "Good. It's really late and I could've been sleeping right now but I thought about you instead." With a curt nod Yuuma turned to leave. Kaito chuckled to himself. "Wait a second!" Yuuma called out. He shoved something into his hands. "Okay I'm leaving now. Goodnight!" Kaito looked down at his hands to find that it was his scarf.

Yuuma was long gone. Yet Kaito still said, "Thank you," before he closed the door.

"What were you doing?" Kaito dropped his scarf. He fumbled to pick it up.

"N-Nothing, Yuuma-kun just wanted to take me out to eat something." Gakupo scoffed and stood. He slowly walked over to Kaito.

"So you'll let Yuuma take you out to eat but you won't even let me take you out of the house? Are you embarrassed about me?" Kaito quickly shook his head.

"No. It's just that he came a long way and I didn't want to disappoint him."

"Well if you like Yuuma so much then why didn't you confess to him then? I see that you rather be with him than me." Kaito shook his head again.

"No Gakupo, it's you I like!"

"Then why are you always with other people?"

"I'm not! Why are you so jealous all the time?" Kaito was once again astonished by the fact that Gakupo once again changed. He was so playful and happy that morning. Was he just stressed?

Gakupo scowled. "What'd you say?" He hissed.

"Do you not trust me? I'm not the one who's untrustworthy here." Kaito flinched when Gakupo raised his arm. But instead of a slap Gakupo opened the door.

"Get the fuck out." Gakupo said. Kaito left the apartment without a second thought.

* * *

Kaito knocked on the door again. "C'mon, c'mon it's cold." He muttered. After another series of knocks it opened. Kaito smiled at the sight of Miku, Meiko, Len, Yohio, and IA. "It takes one person to answer a door." He said. Meiko frowned though Kaito could tell that she was happy.

"What are you doing here in the middle of the night?" She asked. Len yawned.

"Gakupo and I got into a fight. So I was wondering if I could stay here for the night." Meiko immediately pulled him inside.

"There's ice-cream in the freezer." She said before she traveled back upstairs. Kaito immediately ran into the kitchen. It felt like he hadn't eaten ice-cream in ages. The bluett quickly made himself a large bowl of the frozen desert and happily ate. He jumped slightly when he heard someone sit next to him, yet continued eating.

"You're going to get brain freeze if you eat too quickly." Kaito recognized the voice as Yuuma, yet he was too preoccupied with his ice-cream to notice.

"I don't get brain freeze." He said in between bites. In moments he finished the entire tub, yet Kaito still felt unfulfilled. "Oh well." He murmured. He then threw it away. Kaito walked into the living-room. When he sat on the couch and looked up he found Yohio staring at him. "Why are you staring at me?" He asked.

"You seem different." Yohio murmured. "Your attitude has changed ever since you left the hospital." Kaito shrugged.

"I guess so." He murmured. An awkward pause then settled in between them. Kaito briefly recalled on the times when it was never awkward or weird to be around the blond. Kaito then stood.

"Wait, wait. Do you want to borrow my clothes or something?" Kaito worked his lips to say no but then he changed his mind. He smiled.

"Thank you." He said. Yohio poked his forehead suddenly.

"That's not a real smile." He murmured. He ran off before Kaito could protest.


	15. Chapter 15: Impulse, Impulse

『 _15_ 』

【 _**IMPULSE, IMPULSE**_ 】

* * *

Kaito found that he couldn't go to sleep that night. His mind kept reverting to Gakupo. They had never had such bad arguments until they moved in together. Perhaps Kaito was right all along, perhaps they weren't ever meant to be together in the first place. He tried to focus on something else. Kaito then heard a sound coming from the hallway. Out of pure curiosity and boredom the bluett walked out of the room.

As he approached the noise Kaito realized that it was music. Getting even closer he realized that it was one of his songs. Kaito hesitated before knocking on the door. The music was immediately cut off and the door opened. It was Yuuma. "What are you doing here?" The pinket asked.

"Gakupo kicked me out of the apartment, so I decided to spend the night here." Kaito scratched the back of his head awkwardly before he continued, "Can I come in? I can't go the sleep." Kaito didn't expect for Yuuma to yank him in. He then sat on his bed and beamed.

"Why can't you sleep Kaito-kun?" Kaito felt tempted to ask him the same question.

"Honestly, I keep on thinking about my fight with Gakupo." Yuuma then frowned.

"Wait. Did you two have an argument after I dropped you off back home?" Kaito nodded. "Did you two have a fight about me?" Kaito reluctantly nodded. "Oh, I'm really sorry Kaito-kun." Kaito shook his head.

"It's alright. Gakupo just has been getting jealousy very easily lately. He thinks I'm always cheating on him. I understand why, but it's just annoying." Yuuma nodded but Kaito was almost positive that the pinket didn't know what he was talking about. "He doesn't seem to trust me anymore." Kaito concluded. Yuuma collapsed next to him on the bed.

"Are you two going to break up?" Yuuma murmured. The question struck Kaito more than it should have. The thought of simply breaking up with Gakupo was unspeakable, unthinkable. Yet it seemed like the most logical thing to do.

"I don't think that we're going to break up." Kaito slowly stated. Yuuma was in his face suddenly.

"Just break up with him, you'll feel better. I can tell you're not happy with him anymore." Kaito backed away some from the boy.

"What do you mean by 'anymore?'" Yuuma shrugged.

"It's just that at first you were always smiling and you were super nice towards everybody. But now you seem sort of defensive about everything. I don't know how to describe it." Kaito watched Yuuma's eyes dart away from his. "You're just not the old Kaito-kun I guess."

Kaito glanced down at his hands. "I came to your room because I heard music playing." Yuuma chuckled.

"Yeah, I was listening to one of your new songs. I really like it."

"Thank you." Yuuma stood and walked over to his radio. Kaito found it odd how Yuuma was obsessed with futuristic things but he had an old stereo system and a wakizashi. Kaito wondered from time to time if the pinket even knew how to use the sword.

"I especially like this song." Kaito's eyes widened when the song played. He immediately recognized it as the solo version of his demo. Yet it was the newly recorded version. The song was slowed down and given an even more romantic tone to it.

"How did you get these songs?" Yuuma shrugged.

"I may or may not have made a few copies of everybody's new songs. I get bored easily, you know that." Yuuma outstretched his hand to Kaito. "Would you like to dance?" Kaito sighed and took his hand.

At first Kaito was unsure of where to place his hands on Yuuma. He eventually settled on the other's back. Yuuma chuckled and grabbed Kaito's hands. "You're too nice Kaito-kun." He then put Kaito's hands on his shoulders. He placed his own around the bluet's waist. "Now let's dance."

Kaito noticed how Yuuma had to bend down slightly and how their movements were awkward. Yet Kaito enjoyed himself. The song, though it was only a few minutes long, seemed to lag on. When it was over Kaito still held on to Yuuma.

"Thank you." Kaito said. "I really needed that."

"You're welcome." Kaito pulled away slightly to look at him. He reminisced on the times when he saw the boy as a pest. When he thought about it that time wasn't very long ago. Kaito stared at him. Yuuma was returning his gaze with full intensity now. Kaito felt a rare impulse take over his senses. Next thing he knew he had pulled Yuuma down and kissed him. Yet a few seconds later Yuuma pulled away.

"You said that you didn't want to break up with Gakupo and that you want him to trust you. I guess I understand Gakupo-san's mindset." Kaito shook his head.

"I-I'm sorry. I don't want for you to think of me like that." The bluet then let go of Yuuma.

"If you just go around kissing everybody then of course he's not going to trust you." Kaito shook his head.

"No, no! The time with Yohio-san was an accident." Yuuma raised an eyebrow. He then poked Kaito in the chest.

"Isn't that Yohio-kun's shirt? Why are you wearing it?" Kaito sighed.

"I don't know." He looked down at their feet. He knew that the chance of Yuuma letting him kiss him was low. He wasn't even sure where the urge had come from. "I'm sorry for kissing you." Kaito sighed again. "I'm sure that you've kissed better people before." He added as an afterthought.

Yuuma gave a small smile. "That was actually the best kiss I've ever had." Kaito's eyes widened.

"Really?" Yuuma nodded. Kaito returned the small smile. "I'll leave now. Have a nice night." Kaito left before he caught Yuuma's words. Out of all people, he didn't want Yuuma to see him cry.


	16. Chapter 16: Merciless

『 _16_ 』

【 _**MERCILESS**_ 】

* * *

Kaito's thoughts could not process on his walk home. Gakupo would vaguely come to mind, but other than that he as unexpectedly empty. Kaito couldn't even think of what he was going to say or do when he returned to the apartment complex.

When Kaito finally reached the apartment he stood frozen in front of it. His thoughts suddenly came flooding back into his mind and he found it overwhelming. He pictured Gakupo yelling at him, hitting him, and throwing him out again. Kaito exhaled a shaky breath. He wasn't looking forward to the rest of his day.

It took a few knocks until the door was answered. Gakupo was in the middle of lightning a cigarette. Instead of greeting the bluett he simply walked away from the door. Kaito took a hesitant step inside and then closed the door behind him.

"G-Gakupo-san, how are you?" Kaito asked. Gakupo walked over to a table and picked up a stack of papers that was resting on top of it. He glanced at Kaito and shrugged.

"I'm alright I guess. Why are you stuttering?" Kaito's breath hitched. His emotions then caught up with him. Gakupo sent down the papers and walked over the Kaito. "What's wrong? You haven't really been crying lately." Kaito backed away when the purplett tried to touch him.

"I-I'm so, so Gakupo-san. It was a mistake, it really was. I don't know what had came over me. I'm so sorry." Gakupo reached out to touch him again yet Kaito backed away even more.

"Kaito, Kaito calm down. What are you apologizing for?" Kaito looked up at Gakupo. Had Gakupo treated him wrongly? On a few occasions, yes. He had cheated on him once, hit him once, and took him away from his friends. Yet those situations were understandable. They all involved Kaito and his ambivalent, weak nature. If the bluett had not attempted suicide, then perhaps there wouldn't be all this drama. Maybe, just maybe, the two could love each other again.

Kaito drew in an uneasy breath after his internal monologue concluded. He had to tell Gakupo the truth and accept what he deserved. "I cheated on you with Yuuma-kun." He flinched when he thought he saw Gakupo move. Yet the purplett was still in one place.

"I understand if he just kissed you Kaito." Kaito shook his head.

"No, I was the one who cheated on you." Kaito ashamedly looked down at the floorboards beneath him. "I was the one who danced with him and then kissed him. Then after that I went back to my room and he went after me. Then we kissed again and we—" Gakupo then slapped him. Kaito was thankful that he didn't bite the inside of his cheek that time.

"You let him fuck you? Why?" Kaito trembled.

"I-I don't know. I'm so sorry." Gakupo hit him again. This blow was harder than the last, yet Kaito accepted it. Once again, he thought that deserved everything that was happening to him.

Gakupo growled in anger and frustration. "Why do you always do this? I really do care and worry about you all the time Kaito. You act like I have no feelings." Kaito's sobs grew harder. He had purposefully forced his mind to think that Gakupo didn't care about him. He didn't know how he managed to convince himself that the other was just an unemotional robot.

"I-I'm sor—"

"No, shut up! You act like I don't get hurt. I really do Kaito; especially by the things you do." Gakupo walked to the other side of the room. "I didn't even go that far with Yuuma-san." Gakupo's words, though muttered, still struck Kaito full force. He felt like a despicable being now.

The bluett sniffled. "You're right. When we were together you only kissed one person and I had sex with two. I'm sorry." He felt panic rise in his chest when he heard Gakupo walk back over to him.

"What do you mean 'when we were together?'" Kaito felt his shoulders tremble once again. He found it horrible that he wasn't embarrassed by the fact that he was a blubbering mess in front of Gakupo. Did he really cry that often?

Kaito effortlessly dried his eyes. "I think we should break up." Kaito anticipated another slap but instead he got silence. He brought his arm away from his eyes and looked up at Gakupo. The man was in utter shock.

After a few more seconds of pure silence Gakupo uttered a broken, "W-Why?" Kaito's tears returned to him. He thought that they had fell out of love, that after his suicide attempt their bond was broken. But the bluett guessed that he had let his mind was play tricks on him.

"Y-You stuttered." Kaito stupidly stated. "You're always so composed and serious." Gakupo grabbed him suddenly. Kaito received a face full of his shirt.

"Kaito-kun, you don't mean that. You're just emotionally distraught, right?" Kaito shook his head.

"I-I mean it." Gakupo gripped him tighter. "Gakupo, let go—"

"No!" Kaito was taken aback. "You can't just leave me." The bluett began to struggle to get out of the other's grip.

"I have to leave you. We no longer have what we used to have." Kaito prepared himself for another pitiful plea from Gakupo yet none came. Instead the purplett let go of him and walked away.

Kaito's feet automatically went towards Gakupo yet he stopped himself. Kaito instead ran out of the apartment as soon as he could.


	17. Chapter 17: Future

_[A/N]_ **I was originally going to make this a long story. But then I decided to give a simple and abrupt little ending to all this drama. Hope you enjoyed. :3 Until next time!**

* * *

『 _16_ 』

【 _**FUTURE**_ 】

* * *

Meiko gave a nod of content after she finished reading. "I like your love song." She commented. Kaito frowned when he reached out for the papers.

"It's not a love song." He grumbled. Meiko scoffed.

"Are you sure about that? This song seems to be about the conflicting thoughts of a confused lover to me." She handed the papers back to him. "Oh, could you do me a favor Kaito-kun?" He nodded. "Can you go get me a bottle of saké from downstairs? Please and thank you." Kaito sighed and made his descent to the kitchen.

He surprised to see that the lights were on at such a late hour. And he was even more surprised to see who was sitting at the kitchen table. "What are you doing here?" He said. Gakupo stood and looked at Kaito. He didn't look the least bit angry. In fact the man was actually sad if Kaito was seeing correctly.

"I just really wanted to see you. Are you feeling okay?" Kaito shrugged. He really would not admit how he felt, yet his work always did. The lyrics he wrote were always coated in melancholy, the food he served was a bit too salty, and he even got his ice-cream in all the flavors of depression.

"Are you feeling okay?" Kaito echoed. He hadn't heard from the purple-haired man since their breakup. He hadn't even seen him in the recording studio. Yet he would occasionally hear from other Vocaloids that he joined them on an outing to the mall or beach. Other than that it was like Gakupo had completely disappeared from Kaito's life since he had decided to pull the plug.

Gakupo shook his head. "Let me be honest. You're all I think about. It feels odd admitting that, but it's true. Everything reminds me of you." Gakupo ran his hand through his hair. Kaito noticed that it was a bit disheveled. The man hadn't put it in its millions of bands and pins like he usually did.

Kaito looked down. A silence enveloped the both of them for just a moment before the bluett spoke up. "Would you like to go out to get something to eat Gakupo-san?" Kaito asked. Gakupo gave a small smile. Yet Kaito could see its hints of sadness. Had he really hurt the man that badly?

"I would love to." Gakupo said. They both gathered their things and headed out the house.

* * *

Kaito and Gakupo were seated at the table with the blue rose. Kaito looked around the café. Each other table had a red, pink, yellow, or white rose. There were no other extraordinary flowers. Gakupo picked up the vase suddenly. "It says something on the bottom." He murmured. Kaito squinted his eyes to look at the vase. It indeed read "_For Garry_" in small, golden letters at the rim of the vase.

"I'm going to have to ask you to put that down." A voice said. Gakupo immediately set the vase back in the center of the table. "Were you reading it?" The waitress asked. Kaito nodded.

"Could you tell me who Garry is?" The waitress shrugged.

"I'm not really sure. One day this little girl came into here and requested that we put that vase on this particular table. She must have come from a rich family too because we get paid a lot just to dye a white rose blue every month for this table." The waiter shrugged again. "Could I take your order?" She asked.

"Can we have two macarons?" The waitress nodded and walked away. Gakupo frowned.

"What's a macaron?" Kaito smiled.

"You'll see in a moment."

* * *

The evening continued on as if the two had never broken up in the first place. Yet they were physically distant from each other. They were always weary of where each other's hands and feet were so there would be no accidental touches. Not everything could completely go back to normal.

When Gakupo walked Kaito back to the Vocaloid household he heaved out a heavy sigh. "What's wrong?" Kaito asked.

"How are you and Yuuma-san getting along?" Kaito turned his gaze towards the front door.

"He moved away about a month ago." He quickly answered. "I don't think he wants anything to do with me anymore." Gakupo nodded.

"I think I understand." The man murmured. Kaito reached out for the knob when a sudden thought came to his head.

"I think about you all the time too." He said. Kaito found that he couldn't turn and face the man. He wasn't sure if it was from sudden shyness or embarrassment or whatnot. "And I know that you and I will eventually found someone else new to brighten our lives. But for now I can't move on from you." Kaito tightened his grip on the knob. "You had a very big impact from me despite the fact we weren't together for that long. And I'm sorry for troubling you, really." Kaito then opened the door.

"Please don't tell me you're blaming yourself, Kaito-kun. It's not your fault." Kaito shook his head.

"It is my fault. I was the one who confessed to you and I was the one who broke up with you. It's me to blame here." Kaito turned to Gakupo with a smile that was a bit crooked. "I really appreciated the time that we spent together."

"I appreciate the time we spent together too." Gakupo said. "I like how you're still optimistic even though you're really grumpy." Kaito rolled his eyes.

"I'm only grumpy because I haven't had an exciting flavor of ice-cream in ages." Kaito then walked into the house. "Good night Gakupo-san." Gakupo nodded.

"Can I see you again tomorrow?" It was a simple question yet something changed inside of Kaito. His old ways suddenly emerged and he felt as if he was close to tears. How could a simple question make him so emotional? The new Kaito wanted to decline, close the door, and forget that the night ever happened. Yet the old Kaito wanted to sob and cling onto the purplett. Kaito felt torn between two simply decisions. In a split second he made his choice.

"I'm sorry, but I don't think it'll be best to see you again. I don't think that that'll help with the moving on part of our lives. You know?" Gakupo's demeanor wilted yet he nodded.

"I understand. But why are you being so mature? I like my childish Kaito-kun." Kaito shrugged.

"I don't know." He simply answered. "Good night again." He repeated. He then closed the door on his ex, his lover, and his best friend.


End file.
